i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
