party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
