Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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