went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can't motorboat a personality
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
