there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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