i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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