she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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