I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I will be naked everywhere
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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