Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
