Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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