Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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