I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I will pee on everything he values.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
