so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
