when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How's work?
Spinning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
