I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
