I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
