wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
