Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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