I didn't shave. On purpose
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
