so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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