Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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