How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
