my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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