How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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