also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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