so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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