cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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