An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
