the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize