Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
