is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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