Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
