i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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