I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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