Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
