Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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