I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
