I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
