I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
