just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
