you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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