How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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