Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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