true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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