This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
