I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
