what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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