Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My cat gives me a boner
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina just recognized that song.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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