How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
