I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Congratulations! We have a period
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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