she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat