She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
