How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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