Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
