So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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