I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
