evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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