no, he came in my armpit
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
