No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
